Scent Assualt

We’ve all experienced it. You smell a woman’s perfume trailing three aisles behind her in the grocery store. It’s so heavy in the air that it permeates your nose and mouth and you fancy you can still smell her four hours later.

We are literally being bombarded with scent. There are body washes, body lotions, leave in conditioners, moisturizers, deodorants, feminine sprays……you name any part of the human body, and there’s a scent on the market developed especially for it. And then, to compound it further, we wear clothing that’s been washed and dried using lavender-vanilla detergent and orange-hibiscus fabric softener.

So, after applying all that, you spray on perfume as if it were the cherry atop a sundae.

Listen, perfume should make people want to draw closer, not run in the opposite direction. If you feel you need to bathe in the stuff, might I suggest actually bathing instead?

Here’s something that might put it into perspective for you. I want you to go to the refrigerator and take out anything that’s in liquid form. The milk, V8, OJ, that bottle of wine nobody liked and has been in the back of the fridge since last May, the soda, the tabasco, the Italian salad dressing. You get the picture. Now I want you to put a teaspoon of each of these liquids into a glass, stir it and drink. See how all of those flavors are competing with each other? Did you just throw up in your mouth a little? Good. That’s exactly how you smell when you top off your scented body wash and deoderant with 1/2 gallon of your favorite perfume.

I really don’t care if you’re buying it in the large economy size, or paying $3256.13 an ounce for it……it’s not my scent, and I don’t want to smell it three aisles away. Or worse yet, get trapped on a plane with you. I’d rather be stuck in an elevator with a dozen cigar touting chain smokers.

Lest you think I don’t like perfume, I assure you, I do. My current favorite is Design by Paul Sebastian. As much as I like this light refreshing fragrance, I don’t spray it directly on me. I spritz it into the air and walk through the mist.

And that, smelly-grocery-store-lady, is how it’s done.

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