Beating Myself Up, Literally

Part of my bedtime ritual includes applying HUGE amounts of hand lotion.

I need HUGE amounts of lotion because I wash my hands like six million-katrillion times throughout the day, which tends to dry them out.

So, night before last I climb into bed and grab the covers to pull them up under my chin.

Which begins another part of the ritual. I have to pull the top sheet up, then fold the top 7 inches over the blankets and quilt, which have to be lined up just right, or you wind up with 6″ of sheet in the middle and 8″ of sheet at the sides.

So you can see how critical it is that the blankets line up with the quilt.

So I grab the quilt to line it up, severely underestimating its weight (like every other night), therefore miscalculating the amount of pull I need…..and my freshly lotioned hand lost its grip, flew through the air, and I sucker punched myself right in the face. I never saw it coming, which is typical of a sucker punch, so I’ve been told.

After the initial shock of being struck wore off, then realizing it was me that did it, I just laid there eling-my-a-off;  grateful that #1 – after moving my jaw from side to side I was fairly confident I wouldn’t have to have it wired shut for the next six weeks and #2 – there were no witnesses, since Mr. Kewlstuff was still watching Speed Channel in the living room. 

Fast forward to this morning. As I’m towel drying my hair, the end of the towel flies up and gets me right in the left eye. I never saw that coming either… of course my eye was wide open. O.M.G. It felt as if I’d just lit my eyeball on fire. It watered profusely, and then I fancied that I couldn’t see out of it.

And now it kinda looks (and feels) like I got the proverbial poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

I’m sharing this with you so that if, by some strange circumstance, say tomorrow I happen to take a bath with the hair dryer, I’m hoping that the one (or two) people that actually read this blog will come forward when the police accuse Mr. Kewlstuff of causing my various self-inflicted bruises and contusions that will surely be discovered during the autopsy.

Hey… happens on Dateline all the time.

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12 Responses to “Beating Myself Up, Literally”

  1. cheryl hood
    on Jan 12th, 2009
    @ 9:23 am

    well, sounds like a typical day at my house!!! Just one thing though, it kind of sounds like you my have just set up Mr. Kewlstuff to take the wrap if the big tub incident occurs!! What better way to try to cover himself then to gain access to your site and write about how clumsy you are, do you in and then try to take focus away from him with a bogus article? If I were you, I would be sleeping with your one good eye open!!! LOL

  2. admin
    on Jan 12th, 2009
    @ 12:42 pm

    LOL. You make a very good point!

  3. Patty
    on Jan 15th, 2009
    @ 1:04 pm

    You are like me. You do embarrassing things, but still tell people that you did them. I recently hit myself with the hair dryer and left a big bruise on my forehead. I’ve only been using a hair dryer for 30 plus years. LOL

  4. admin
    on Jan 15th, 2009
    @ 6:34 pm

    Patty >> Thank goodness it wasn’t the curling iron huh?

    Then you’dve had a burn instead of a bruise.

    Not that I’ve ever done that or anything. Just saying. 😉

  5. nipsy
    on Jan 17th, 2009
    @ 9:09 am

    Well now I don’t feel so bad for a)tripping over a wire and almost breaking my own nose, b)running into walls, c)banging my head on a coat hanger as I sat down to use the bathroom..etc…etc… Thanks for sharing the chuckles

  6. admin
    on Jan 17th, 2009
    @ 11:18 am

    nipsy >> All in one day? Cuz seriously, if you did that all in one day… then YOU WIN!

  7. Shelly
    on Jan 18th, 2009
    @ 9:32 am

    Oh, you made my morning. The visual on both those accidents had me rolling. I’m sure it’s only funny to those who find themselves in similar predicaments from time to time. Sit back, relax, and DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING!

  8. admin
    on Jan 18th, 2009
    @ 5:20 pm

    Shelly >> Glad to hear I made somebody’s morning! If I quit showering and making the bed I should be safe huh?

  9. dizzblnd
    on Jan 19th, 2009
    @ 10:53 am

    Thanks for dropping on my Dream-Watcher site! What you just described pretty much happens to me on a daily basis. Very funny stuff. I will come to court in your hubby’s defense.

  10. admin
    on Jan 19th, 2009
    @ 11:24 am

    dizzblnd >> Hey, thanks for stopping in! And FYI ~ I especially enjoyed your “Maybe Next Time You’ll Do it WHEN I ask!” post. Ahhh… it’s good to be Queen, isn’t it?

  11. earthtoholly
    on Jan 22nd, 2009
    @ 2:19 pm

    Sorry to laugh at your expense, but this was so funny! W always laughs at me because after he’s all comfy in bed, I’m still roaming around doing…just stuff. But luckily by the time I settle in, I usually do so unscathed! :o)

  12. admin
    on Jan 22nd, 2009
    @ 4:21 pm

    earthtoholly >> No need to apologize. Someone’s always laughing at my expense. 🙂

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